So I haven't really posted in a while, and I highly doubt anyone actually keeps up with these, but if you do thank you :)
I decided it's time to talk about what happened last August, since it's going to be the one year anniversary in a couple weeks.
I want to make a note that this is kind of serious, and I know I need therapy for this (actually needed help with it a long time ago but I have parental issues) and am planning on seeing the campus therapist when school does start, which in only in a few weeks.
Okay, here we go.
My brother and I were pretty close. He helped shape me who I am today, with liking nerdy stuff like Legend of Zelda and Doctor Who. But after doing a bit of research, I learn that he was sexually abusive. Of course, I didn't even think about it until what happened.
He molested me.
He did it while our family was at vacation a couple hours from where we live. He was 30 at the time, and I was 17, a month shy of being 18. He did it to me several times, I want to say maybe 3 or 4 times, but I'm not sure.
I kept this a secret for a few months until about October or November, when I did tell a few friends. But no adults knew until late March, when I told someone at the High School I was attending. She then helped me tell the school officer. He told me that since I froze, instead of fighting back, then the only thing I could charge him with would probably be incest.
Since I was 18, I had the decision of telling my parents or not, otherwise they would have no choice but to tell. I set up a meeting with the officer and my dad, which was kind of frustrating because of cranky teachers and the officer being late back from his lunch break, but we did eventually get the chance to tell my dad. I had a friend come in with me for support, who was the first person I told about it. I wanted my dad to tell Mom because a.) it's hard for her to get off work, while my dad had the day off that day and b.) because Mom can be a bit... overreacting at times.
My dad was supportive - at first. He asked if I want therapy and I said I did. But that was it. I didn't get therapy.
Despite both of my parents knowing, they still allowed my brother to come home. He lives across the state.
In late April, I contacted the police about filing a report against him. It was a little tricky since it was technically out of the city limits and I had to deal with a different county, and it took about a week or two to actually make the report. They just had a police officer come to my house, and I filled out the report, then they faxed it over to the county. They county officer warned me earlier that since this was several months ago, there was no evidence. And if my brother says he didn't do it, case closed.
After I made my report, I waited for months for an update. I got nothing. I began to think that the police didn't even care about it. That they haven't even called my brother to ask if he did it. I've always blamed myself for it (and still do) but the blaming got worse. I convinced myself that they didn't call him because I was so much older than most people who get molested. I tell myself that if I would have just went to the hospital and have them do a DNA test of everything I wouldn't be in that position. I tell myself that I would have worn more clothes to bed, it wouldn't have happened. I tell myself that if I would have fought, instead of freezing in fear, this wouldn't have happened.
It wasn't until recently, at the beginning of July, when I asked my sister (who is 20) if the police ever called him. Surprisingly, she knew that they did. She told me that he called Mom after his conversation with the police, and he was freaked out. He lied. Case closed.
My friends nor I like the way my parents are reacting to this situation. They try to force me to talk and communicate with him when he's home. They don't tell me if he's coming sometimes till the day before, and sometimes it's a complete surprise.
But I'm trying to get help.
No comments:
Post a Comment